


Lost In The Sound

by A_M_Kelley



Category: 999 (Band), Bandom, Punk Rock RPF
Genre: 1970s, Angst, Denial of Feelings, Implied/Referenced Incest, M/M, POV First Person, Pining, Unrequited Crush, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-22
Updated: 2013-12-22
Packaged: 2018-01-07 19:47:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1123699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_M_Kelley/pseuds/A_M_Kelley
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's not like I hate him or his presence, he's my brother after all, and I wouldn't want to be in anyone else's band, but I have boundaries and Nick crosses that fine line incessantly every chance he gets.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost In The Sound

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by and based on the "Homicide" video. You can find it here:
> 
>  
> 
> [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TMlpqOsc2BU&feature=youtube_gdata_player](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TMlpqOsc2BU&feature=youtube_gdata_player)

He's doing it again. He always bloody does this! Whether it be a show or a music video, Nick always finds a way to invade and exploit my personal space like we're children again. I get it, he feels more comfortable around me since we're brothers and he has a lot of energy. The music just sort've takes over when it gets going, we all get lost in the sound, but christ... It's always me. Hardly ever is it Jon or Pablo. I alone get the luxury of Nick dancing and parading into my personal bubble as he acts goofy.

It's not like I hate him or his presence, he's my brother after all, and I wouldn't want to be in anyone else's band, but I have boundaries and Nick crosses that fine line incessantly every chance he gets. Sure, Nick gets into Jon's space sometimes, almost as if they are dueling bass against guitar, but he doesn't get so close as only a breath away with Jon. But this isn't really about boundaries either, now is it? I can't exactly blame it all on Nick for why this makes me so uncomfortable. That wouldn't be fair, especially when he's oblivious as to what he does to me.

The crew have readjusted the lighting, giving us a little breather in between recording, and the cameramen have shuffled around a bit for new angles. I swear it feels like the hundredth time they've done this when in reality it's only been the fifteenth. I love making music videos, they're great fun and we can fool around a little and have a good time, but this isn't like the shoot for "Emergency" just a year prior. "Homicide" is much more tortuous for me this time around, just as the song title suggests ironically. It's partly because of the crew, but mostly because of Nick.

The director is setting up to resume shooting and I can see Jon getting in a quick tune on his bass before the cameras roll again. Not that it really matters, I suppose. Our sound doesn't count so much as our performance. All we have to do is match up to the tempo of our pre-recorded version of it and jump around a little. That's not to say we half ass it. I don't... or at least I try not to.

We begin the song again for the fifteenth time with a new lighting and camera alignment and as we all progress into the chorus I can see Nick in his bright yellow gear and out of place waistcoat. Not to mention that tacky little red bow tie that makes all that yellow even brighter. It doesn't help that the backdrop is white either. It's nearly blinding and I try to block it out. I try to remember my chords as I chant "homicide" into my microphone, but it's no use.

Here he comes, parading into my line of vision as I try, in vain, to not lose my place entirely. It's hard to concentrate when Nick's presence is so overpowering and energetic, nearly matching my own. He may not be as agile as me or Jon, jumping around like the maniacs we are, but he makes sure to cover the whole playing area where ever we happen to be dominating.

The camera is in my face and Nick soon follows after as we sing "homicide" in unison into the same microphone. Curse these microphones for being so damn small and curse Nick for coming over at all. I mean, it's not like I'm the only one with a microphone over here... Nick has his bloody own microphone for pete's sake! Why does he need mine? It's always been like this since we were children growing up together. Nick is so close that I can feel the heat radiating off of him in pulsing waves of electricity. It nearly makes me dizzy and faint, momentarily disorienting me as I lose myself in the music.

I try to stagger away from him and the camera out of nervousness. My pulse is thrumming in my veins as he tries to draw near again, but I have drifted off into my own tangent. I'm not a shy person, but I feel awfully put on the spot with all this attention. I know he's my brother, but I need space too. What about Jon or even Pablo? Pablo is doing amazing work on the drums right now and he's just as energetic as the rest of us. Why can't he get the attention right now? Why can't Nick learn how to stay in his own performing area? Why can't--

Good... The chorus is finally over.

I sigh as Nick goes back to his microphone, singing the second verse in that snappy voice of his. I'm able to get back into the swing of things for a moment, strumming along almost flawlessly as I march around in a funky jive and jump around carelessly. My hands and body maybe engaged in playing the song, but my mind wanders freely as I watch Nick in secret. The cameras and lights and crew just disappear around me, leaving only Nick on my main agenda.

That's it. I don't know how all this happened. I never minded the attention, from Nick or otherwise, but I do now and it foxes me as to how this came to be. But I know exactly why it makes me uncomfortable having Nick so close to me. Like I said before, it's not because I dislike Nick, he's my brother, but rather the fact that I do like Nick. Very much so. I love being around Nick. I love performing with him on a stage in front of a crowd. I love the feeling I get whenever we're together. But that isn't natural and I should be ashamed of myself because I love those things far too much for what might be considered as brotherly love or platonic.

I hate it when Nick gets close to me now because it scares me to think that he knows or that it exploits my feelings for him, broadcasting for everyone to see. It scares me to think that he'd be disgusted in me if he knew the truth. He makes me insecure, especially with all these people around. Sometimes I wish I could be Pablo, hidden behind a drum kit rather than just a guitar and a microphone, just in the background as a filler.

Christ, he makes my body pulse with adrenaline and it's almost too much for my nerves to handle. It feels like they might overload at any moment and make me explode like a rocket tearing itself up on a launchpad. This kind of feeling used to be perfect for performing but now... now it's nearly unbearable with all the images of him that come dancing into my mind fleetingly. It isn't controllable anymore and that both terrifies and thrills me to no extent.

Sometimes I wonder if he already knows about my feelings and, if so, are they mutual? I can't help but be paranoid when he pulls on his microphone stand, glancing over at me for a brief moment. I try to lose myself in the rhythm, in Pablo's drum beat and Jon's bass line, but our eyes meet and I'm sure he sees it all just then. He can see how much I long for that dominating and charismatic presence that is completely and utterly him.

My body is riddled with nerves and adrenaline, butterflies some like to call it, but this isn't a feeling as dainty as a crush. Surely it's clear to Nick as to how he makes me feel and why I both crave and hate his proximity. Nick knows how badly I want him back in my space, breathing my air and feeding off of my energy. My body language practically screams it as I jerk and twist with my guitar. It's frightening how badly I want it... want him. I love my brother in a completely unnatural way and I'm afraid to admit it, even to myself.

Somehow I've gotten through my guitar solo without missing a beat and it amazes me how nervous and balanced Nick can make me. It's scary how much control he has over me. The chorus is coming up and both Jon and Pablo are completely oblivious as to what's just happened. The crew have no clue whatsoever either, they think it's all just a brotherly thing. I'm not even sure if it's happening but it is.

Nick knows. He smirks through his lyrics with those defining eyebrows arched in exaggeration. I'm sweating profusely and jiving and jerking as I begin to recite the word "homicide" into my microphone and I can feel that tempting stare of Nick's eyes burning holes into me. He's itching to trot over and accompany me in my atmosphere again. He wants to get close and get lost in the sound with me and he does. But this time he isn't oblivious.

This time Nick is aware of what he's doing to me and he doesn't care about what that might imply.


End file.
